10 Jan My Brain Is Foozzed
Every family has a language; certain phrases or slang based on life experiences that is unique to that tight-knit group of people.
For example, there’s Too Silly, something my dad would say about me when I’d hit that manic Jim-Carrey-in-The-Mask level of overexcited that never failed to annoy my sister to death.
And there’s Your Brain is Foozzed, (Short OO sound, as in shook); another dad-ism. That’s what happens when you’re trying to do math homework at 8 p.m. and hit a wall. Best to go to bed and try again in the a.m.
Here’s a glossary from the Austin-Avon family dictionary.
Docky Bock. That’s chocolate milk, to those of you who aren’t fluent in toddler. “No docky bock for dinner.”
Eating The Goop. AKA mom leftovers (though Dad eats them, too). Why, just this week I had an old smushy nibbled-on pear for breakfast while Cory feasted on the kids’ cereal dregs. “No need to stop for a bagel, I ate the goop for breakfast.”
Farkblot. The Queen Mother of dirty words. “Your classmate must have misunderstood, the F word is Farkblot, and don’t you DARE say it.”
Bub. Breastfeeding – either the milk itself, or the act of “bubbing” the baby. Yes, it was influenced by rap songs about bottles of bub. “So are you going to bub Ellie or should I try to nap her?”
Punching Machine Going Off. One of us has a wild reaction to too much auditory and emotional stimuli and starts blinking and punching the air. Not all of us literally do that, but it’s a good term to use when you’re just shorting out and angry. “Henry’s Punching Machine Is Going Off because you grabbed the iPad.”
No Nappin. Something Henry would chant when he was old enough to have a say in the matter. “Danny’s Punching Machine Is Going Off because he was No Nappin today.”
Backing Off The Stink. When you’ve made a stink, it’s hard to back off the stink you spent so much effort making. Basically, admitting you’re wrong and changing your tune. “I know his Punching Machine Is Going Off, but I’m having a hard time Backing Off My Stink.”
Crying In A Snowbank. What you plop down and do when there is too much to do and you’re overwhelmed. Based on true events after one too many snowstorms. “If you don’t back off your stink, I think I’ll need to Cry In The Snowbank.”
Read It Funny. When you read a book like it’s a graphic novel, captioning the pictures literally, which leads to lots of “Peekaboo” when one character is talking out of a window to another. “This one has too many words and it’s late, so we will Read It Funny.”
Charlie Henry Story. Original bedtime or car trip stories fabricated on the spot, often featuring the backyard fairy Tatiana, Santa Claus, Mickey Mouse, Harry Potter, Birch Bark Eatery, and Rich Cirino. “Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Henry…”
Close Your Peepers. Part of the bedtime routine — After tubby time, Read It Funny, lights out, cuddle, Charlie Henry Story: “It’s time to Close Your Peepers.”
Stay In Room One Minute. Based on a young Henry’s request, which has devolved over the years into a couple hours of sitting uncomfortably in a rocking chair in the kids’ room wishing them to sleep while they peek at you and you tell them to close their peepers. “Close Your Peepers or I’m not Staying In Room One Minute,” is always followed by crying and more staying.
Tap Out. Switching places when one of you gets stuck Staying In Room One Minute for too long and nobody is Closing Their Peepers and the parent feels like Crying In A Snowbank. “Sorry, I know you need to Tap Out and your Punching Machine’s Going Off, but Ellie’s up again being Too Silly and needs Bub.”
As you may have deduced from this glossary of terms, My Brain Is Foozzed.