07 May Bumps in the night

Last night Cory and I saw the baby move for the first time. Earlier in the day, Grandma Avon felt him kick for the first time. Seeing him move was crazy. Like in the cartoons where somebody’s banging on the door and the whole door moves THUD THUD THUD. It was wild. Sometimes I go about my day and forget (forget the way that on your birthday you might forget it’s your birthday for five seconds and then remember and go YAYYY) – though I’ve had that epiphany ten zillion times, every time I go, “Oh yeah, there’s a PERSON in there” it blows my mind.

And not just a person, but my kid who is going to give me stories to tell people. My kid who is going to be what my life revolves around. My kid who is going to make me a mommy. My kid who’s going to hopefully graduate from high school someday. My kid who’s hopefully going to get married someday. He’ll yell at me and tell me he hates me and he’ll pick me flowers and make me Mother’s Day gifts. That guy – that kid – that’s in there making thunks right now. It’s so bizarre.

My sister quit smoking yesterday and I’m really glad about it. I quit in 2005 and have been begging my family to give it up ever since. But it’s an individual decision that you have to make yourself. People pushing you into it doesn’t make it work. I’m really happy she got there on her own and I’m going to do everything I can to support her in it. It’s such a big gift to yourself and to everyone around you. I just wish my parents would get there. But I know I can’t make it happen for them – that has to happen on its own. But I really don’t want Baby A-A around it.

Today I’m feeling tired and weird. I think the phenomena they call Baby Brain is starting to get to me. It scares me. I have a lot of work to do and I worry about slowing down. But I guess that if I need to slow down, I will. It will happen whether I like it or not. There’s something a little comforting in knowing that things will take care of themselves and it’s not my job to take care of that stuff, but it’s also terrifying that my body turns into my boss and dictates everything. I thought I was the boss!

Mr. Peanut is squirming up a storm right now. Thump! Bump! Bonk!

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